
aass_4 ;\ •< i j L 

Book_j:iiJi 



rt 



J 



No. XXXVI. 

THE MINOR DRAMA 



. MACBETH TEAVESTIE 



^ Surleaijne 



IN TWO ACTS 



BY W. K. NORTHALL, 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHAR- 
ACTERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVB,POSITIONS 
ETC. 



-•♦^ 



NEW-YORK: 
WILLIAM TAYLOR & CO., No. 18 ANN-STREET 

PRICE 12 1-2 CENTS. 



mODEBN STANDAim BMMA. 

Priu 12 1-2 Cents each.—Bouvd Volumes, $1.00. 



TOI^ I. 

1. Ion. 

2. l<azio. 

3. ThelAdyof Lyons. 

4. Richelieu. 
6. The Wife. 

6. The Honey Moon. 

7. The School for Scan- 
dal. 

8. Money. 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mrs. A. C. 
MOWATT. 

VOL. n. 

9. The Stranger. 

10. Grandfather White- 
head. 

11. Richard m. 

12. liove's Sacrifice. 

13. The Gamester. 

14. A Cure for the Heart- 
ache. 

15. The Hunchback. 

16. Don Caesar DeBa.zan. 
With a Portrait and 

Memmr of Mr. CHAS. 
KEAN, 

VOL m. 

17. The Poor Gentleman. 

18. Hamlet. 

19. Charles H. 

20. Venice Preserved. 

21. Pizarro. 

22. The Love-Chase. 

23. Othello. 

24. Lend me Five Shillings 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of Mr. W. B. 
BURTON, 

TOl. IV. 

26. Virginius. 

26. The King of the Com- 
mons. 

27. London Assurance. 

28. The Rent-Day. 

29. Two Gentlemen of 
Verona. 

30. The Jealous Wife. 

31. The Rivals. 

32. Perfection. 
With a Portrait amd 

Memmr of Mr J. H. 
HACKETT. 



VOL V. 

83. A New Way to Pay 
Old Debts. 

84. Look Before You Leap. 
36. King John. 

36. The Nervous Man. 

37. Damon and Pythias. 

38. The Clandestine Mar- 
riage. 

39. William TeD 

40. The Day after the 
AVedding. 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir if G COLMAJV 
the Elder. 

VOL. VI 

41. Speed the Plough. 

42. Romeo and Juliet. 

43. Feudal Times. 

44. Charles the Twelfth. 

45. The Bridal. 

46. The FolUes of Night. 

47. The Iron Chest. 

48. Faint Heart Never 
Won Fair Lady. 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir of Sir E. BUL- 
WER LYTTON. 

VOL. vn. 

49. Road to Ruin. 

50. :iiacbeth. 

51. Temper. 
62. Evadne. 

53. Bertram. 

54. The Duenna. 

65. Much Ado About 
Nothing. 

66. The Critic. 

With a Portrait amd 
Memoir of B, B. SHERI- 
DAN, 

VOL vm. 
57. The Apostate. 

68. Twelfth Night. 

69. Brutus. 

60. Simpson & Co. 

61. Merchant of Venice. 

62. Old Heads and Young 
Hearts. 

63. Mountaineers. 

64. Three Weeks After 
Marriage. 

With a Portrait and 
Meinoir of Mr. GEO. H. 
BARRETT. 



VOL IX. 

66. Love. 

66. As You Like it. 

67. The Elder Brother. 

68. Werner. 

69. Gisippus. 

70T Town and Country, 

71. King Lear, 

72. Blue Devils. 

Wiih a Portrait and 
Memmr of Mrs. SUA W 

VOL X 

73 Henry VTH 

74 Married and 'inglp 

75 Henry TV 

76 Paul Pry 

77 Guy Mannering 

78 Sweethearts h Wives 

79 The Serious Family 

80 She Stoops to Conquer 
With a Portrait and 

Memoir of Miss CHAR- 
LOTTE CUSHMAN. 

VOL XI 

81 Julius Caesar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 Leap Year 

84 The Catspaw 

86 The Passing Cloud 

86 The Drunkard 

87 Rod Roy 

88 George Barnwell 
With a Portrait and 

Memoir of Mn. JOHN 
SEFION. 

VOL xn 

89 Ingomar 

90 Sketches in India 

91 The Two Friends 

92 Jane Shore 

93 The Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Busi- 
ness. 

96 Writing on the Wall 

96 Heir at La^^ 

With a Portrait and 
Memoir qf THOMAS S. 
HAMBLIN. 

VOL xm 

97 The Soldier^B Daughter 

98 Douglas 

99 Marco Spada 

100 Nature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalus 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine h Petrude 
WiCh a Portrait and 

Memoir of EDWIN FOR- 
REST, 



On a remittance of One Dollar, free of postage, 
Ten copies of any of the Plays will be sent by mail. 

WM, TAYLOR Sf CO,, 18 AnTirStrea, 






MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



BY W^^Kf^NORTH ALL 



Author of '* The Magic Arrow," " Virginius Travestia," 
King Cole," (fee. 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARHCTBRa, 
EBLATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



NBW^TORK : 
WILLIAM TAYLOR & 0^ 

No. 18 ANN-STREET. 



p= 1 ^5- J 



^f^^ 



%<" 



K 






f 

i 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



As originally performed at the Olymi 


)ic Theatre, Oct 16, 1843L ^ '' 


Macbeth ...... Mr. Mitchell 


Macduff . 






" Graham. 


Banquo • . ^ 






" Clark. 


Duncan . • 






*• Everard. 


Malcolm • • 






*♦ Dennison. 


Lennox • • 






. " Dunn. 


Rosse • • « 






*• Jackson. 


Seyton . < 






** Levere. 


Officer . 






" M* Kean. 


Fleance . • « 






Master Taylor, 


Hecate . . 






Miss Taylor. 


First Witch 






Mr. Nickinson. 


Second Witch . 






. Mrs. Watts. 


Third Witch . 






Miss Clarke. 


Lady Macbeth • 






. Mrs. Booth. 


Gentlewoman . 






Mrs. Everard. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 

B. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Doors 
8. B. Second Entrance; U. B. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door* 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 
B., means Right; L., Left; C, Centre ; R. C, Right of Centre f 
L. C, Left of Centre. 



PREFACE. 

This Travcstie v/as written for the Olympic Theatre, New 
York, and was first played at that establishment on the IGth of 
October, 1843. It met with great success, having drawn crow- 
ded houses for several weeks. This success was undoubtedly 
owing, in a great measure, to the inimitable acting of Mr. Mit- 
chell, who performed Macbeth in his own peculiar style — half 
tragic, half comic, half Macready, and half funny Mitchell. The 
vision of the wooden dagger, and the ludicrous horror with which 
Macbeth looks upon his bloody hands after the murder of Dun- 
can^ were points that (to use a technical phrase) told amazing- 
ly, and proved the manager to be also the true artist. He was 
ahmirably supported by his highly talented company, amongst 
which Mrs. Booth deserves honourable mention for her perform- 
ance of Lady Macbeth, Throughout she ably maintained that 
comic gravity so essential to burlesque acting. 

The author of '* Macbeth Travcstie" lays no claim to any li* 
terary pretensions respecting the piece — his effort was merely 
to devote a few leisure hours to aid in developing the talents of 
the Olympic company, and thereby in a very small degree to 
be a contributor to the **laugh-and-grow-fat" stream whic'a is 
continually flowing from that temple of Mirth. 



il 



1 1 



MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



ACT I. 
Scene I. — View of a Vacant L0t. 

Three Witches discovered^ 

\st Witch. When shall we three meet again 1 
Thunder ! {Thundtr, 

2d Witch, Lightning ! [Lightning. 

3d Witch. And a drop of rain. [Rain^ 

Ij/f Witch, Where hast thou been, Sukey ] 

2d Witch, r eeuine: swine, 

3d Witch, Molly, where thou ? 

\st Witch, A Loafer's wife had peanuts in her lap, 
And cracked — -and cracked — and cracked! 
Give me, quoth L Oh, get out, now — she nuttily did snig- 

^®"~ ... 
Her husband is a-fishing gone with a great fat nigger ; 

And in a boat I'll to him roll, 

Without a cent to pay the toll. 

nigo!— riigo!— riigo! 

2d Witch, I can raise the wind. 

Zd Witch, And Til put down the dust. 

1^^ Witch, I guess that I can do the rest. 
See what I've got. 

2d Witch. Show me ! show me ! 

\st Witch, Here I have a Mermaid F^Q^e^^Q : — 
And here another, which is N. G. 

[Distant march with drurt^ R. u. B« 

3d Witch, A drum ! a drum ! 
Macbeth doth come. 

All, We, rag-pickers, hand in hand, 
[n every city of this land, 
There do go about, about. — 



MACBETH TRAVESTIE, 



[Act 1 



! 



2d Witch. THence with rags 

3d Witch. Do fill our bags, 

1*^ Witch. To sell again 

All. To paper men. 

1st Witch. Peace, it's all cleared up. 

Enter Macbeth and Banquo, r. u. e, 

Mac, Command they make a halt upon the green. 
So hot and cold a day is seldom seen. 

Ban. How far is't now afore us ? — but who the devil 
have we here, 
Whose withered looks do make their mugs look queer 1 
Ye are not women of the world, Til boldly say, 
Yet on the earth ye live from day to day. 
Say, if I do question, will ye promptly answer 1 — 
Are you a woman, marm, or are you man, sir ? 

[The Witches put fingers to their noses. 
Ye fix your skinny thumbs upon your nose, and take a 

sight, 
As though you understood ; and understood aright. 
Ye should be women, each having on a bustle, — 
But reason and conviction hotly tussle. 
Your beards forbid that I should call you fair ; 
And blow me, if I know exactly what you are. 

Mac, Speak, if you can, and tell us what your name is. 
1*/ Witch. All hail to thee, Macbeth,— hail to thee, Thane 

of Glamis ! 
2d Witch. All hail to thee, Macbeth,— hail to thee, Thane 

of Cawdor ! 
3d Witch. All hail, Macbeth, who'll be next King in or- 
der ! 
Ban. [ To Macbeth.] Why do you start ? — for fear there> 
little ground ; 
There's nothing frightful in so fair a sound. 
Say, can you look into the seeds of time — for there's a 

monstrous lot — 
And say which grain will grow, and which will r ot T 
If you cannot speak, why, tell us with a nod ; 
Or if vou won't, we'll ask old Laurie Todd. 
IstiVitch, Hail! 
2d Witch. Hail ! 

3d Witch. Hail I 



ScEsn: I J MACBETH TKAVESTIE. 9 

IstTVltck. Taller than Macbeth, though not sj fat. 

2dWifch. And not so happy, — but you can't help ,hat, 

3^ Wiic/f. You can't be King. 

1^^ Wit(^h, But you'll get one without fail. 

AIL So, all hail, Macbeth and Banquo, hail ! hail ! hail ! 

( Goivg. 

Mac, Stay, unfinished speakers — your story lame is ! 
By Sinel's death, 1 know I'm thane of Glamis, — 
But how of Cawdor ? — and as for being King, 
I h£ve no chance or prospect of the thing; — 
Tell me why, then, — in face of open day. 
You try to stuff me in this blasted way ] 

[ Witclics vanish f R. 

Ban. The earth hath bubbles as the South Sea had, 
And these three lots, I b'lieve, are just as bad. 
There's speculation in their rise, I do declare. 

Mac. What seemed corporeal, has melted into air. 
There's something in the wind, — would they had staid — 
Your children shall be kings, I think they said. 

Ban. Y^'ou're to be King. 

Mac, Of Cawdor, too, the Thane. 

Went it not so ] 

Ban. The tune and words were just the same. 

Enter Macduff and Rosse, r. 

Macd, The King, Macbeth, has felt the blows 
By which you gave the quietus to his foes. 

Rosse. And we are sent to thank you as we ought, 
And herald you, most noble sir, to court. 

Macd. That he's in earnest, judge by this soft solder,— 
He bade us greet you, sir, as Thane of Cawdor. 

Mac. The Thane of Cawdor lives ; and do you suppose 
I'll let you dress me thus in his old clothes. 

Macd. VJho was the Thane is yet alive, but then 
He is in jail and can't get out again. 

Mac. Glamis and Thane of Cawdor! — the King is very 
kind — 
B\it the best of this fine fa/e yet hangs behind. 
{To Banquo.) Do you not hope your children will be 
kings ? 

Ban. The devil sometimes tells truth in trifling things, 
To lure us 'till he nabs us in a toil. 



10 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. [ACT I 

Cousins, I would speak apart with you awhile. 

f They retire up, 

Mac, Fancy is busy sketching in this disti'acted head, 
riie outlines, I do perceive, of murder in a bed. 
If 1 know what to think, may I be shot, — 
For nothing is, I vow, but what is not. 

Bail, Look how our partner's wrapped him in his tar- 
tan plaid. 

Mac. If chance will have me king, why chance, the 
saucy jade, 
May crown me if it will, if there's no harm meant. 

Ban. New honours come upon him, like a gannent 
Which hangs but loosely on the w^earer's back, 
And looks for all the world just like a sack. 
\ Advances ?[ Worthy Macbeth, upon your leisure, sir, we 
stay. 

Mac. Give me your favour: my dull brain was bothered 
With things old time had long since smothered. 
Of your pains, kind sirs, I keep a strict account, 
And reckon, daily, up the large amount 
Let us to the King, and may 1 beg \To Banqtio. 

That for the present, we do not stir a leg 
In this strange business : — but when we meet again, 
Speak our free hearts, like open-hearted gentlemen. 

[Exeuntf b. 

Scene II. — A Landscape, Music and Flouruh, 

Enter King, Malcolm, Donaldblain, and Courts preceded 
hy Chamberlain, l. 

King, Is execution done on Cawdor? 

Mah The Captain, sir, was 'headed by your order. 
Before he died, my liege, he very frankly said, 
In life's toss up he played, and lost his head. 
As for death, my lord, he didn't seem to mind a sous about 

it; ^ 
For hastening to be gone, he left his trunk, and went ahead 

without it. 
Kins^. Pysiognomy's a humbug, for one cannot trace 
The mind's construction in a tutored face. 
This gentleman, until his treason bursted, 
To any reasonable amount I would have trusted. 



ScEWi; III.] MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 11 

Enter Macbeth, Banquo, and Lennox, r. — Macbeth and 
Banquo kneel to King, 

Ah, worthy coz, I'm glad to see you here, my tight *un. 

The weight of my ingratitude to lighten. 

Had you less merit, 1 vow to goodness gracious 

My means of recompense had been more spacious. 

I must take the two-third act — or find some other way, — 

For more is due to thee than I can ever pay. 

[Raises and embraces Macbeth, 
And Banquo, too, we'd place within our breast. 

[Raises and embraces Banquo, 
Ban, " There, in that bosom" — but you know the rest. 
King. Listen, all ! I would have it knovni throughout 
the land, 
That my son Malcolm, now, is Prince of Cumberland. 

[Flourish, All bow. 
From hence to Inverness, and make us more your debtor, 
Mac. The which honor, I will inform my wife by letter. 
On second thoughts, I'll bear myself the joyful news ; 
So humbly take my leave. 

King. My worthy Cawdor, accept of our adieus. 

Mac. [.4*2^6?.] Malcolm Prince of Cumberland ! that is 
a rise 
Which I must o'erleap, for in my way it lies. 
Stars, go out — see not my eye winking at my hand : 
A wink will do for those who understand. [Exit, 

King, Come, let us after him whose care has gone be- 
fore ; — 
To be behind his welcome indeed would be a bore. 

AIR. — King. (" Some love to roam.") 

Now let us roam, to see his home, 

Oh, merrily forth we'll go ; 
So in time let's thump, and with hop and jump, 
* Let us cut away just so. 

Ho ! ho ! ho ! ho ! &c. [Exeunt^ r. 

Scene III. — A Chamber, 

Enter Lady Macbeth, r., reading a letter. 

Lady M, " They m^ me in the day of success^ and I d^ 
daTe^ 



J2 MACBKTH TKAVESTIE* f ACT I. 

Ere I coidd sptal, they lanished into air. 

Whilst I stood wrapt in wonder and my plaid y 

A 77icssage from the King arrived^ which said / 

To this effect : — he hailed me Thane of Cawdor ; 

Which at first ajppeared a little out of order ^ — 

But the Witches before had told me the same things-- 

And added^ too — they soon will hail thee King^ 

Glamis thou art, and Cawdor; and shall be 

What thou'it promised, or I'll raise a spree. 

Yet I do fear thy nature when I put thee to the test, 

So full of the milk of kindness is thy breast, 

And not the sky-blue stuff that's brought from Goshen— 

But rich and thick ; a quart would lactify an ocean. 

Enter Seyton, l. 
What news ] 

Sey. The King to-night comes here. 

Lady M, Art mad — or art thou drunk with beer ] 
Your boss is with him ; and he wouldn't go to bring 
A stranger, without due notice — especially a King. 

Sey. 1 don't know how that is, marm ; but this I know— 
The Thane's a coming ; a fellow just told me so, 
Who arrived in haste, with just enough breath in his body 
To tell his message out, and call for whiskey toddy. 

Lady M, Give him tending — let him have his drink, of 
course. 
He brings great news. [Exit Seyton, l.] The raven him- 
self is hoarse, — 
And croaks out Duncan's coming in a style 
That makes one wish for horehound candy all the while. 
Come, spirits — brandy, rum, or gin, unsex me here. 
Or fill me from crown to toe with potent beer. 
Come then to my woinan's breast, thou murderer's crew, 
And when you're bent on mischief, this much do :— 
Take my milk for gall, and throw it slap 
In the peering eyes of any curious chap. 
Who, looking through the thick blanket of the night, 
Might cry — hold ! hold ! with all his might. 

Enter Macbeth, l. 
Great Glamis, I am transported with your news — 
And almost see you now in Duncan's shoes. 

Mac^ My dearegt love, the King will lodjo with us to* 
night. 



HcKNhlV.] MACBETH TKAVKSTiE. 13 

Lady M. When goes he hence. 

Mac, To-morrow, if report speak right. 

Ladi/ M. Never ! Your face, my Thane, is a book 
which does disclose 
Stiange sentiments, by its eyes and nose. 
Look like the time, and take a glass, — 
'Twill help to make the creeping sluggard pass. 
Bear welcome in your hand — your tongue — your eye. 

Mac, Let's in — we'll talk again of this, dear, bye and 
bye. [Exeunt, r. 

Scene I\^. — T/ic Gate of the Castle. 

Ente?' King Malcolm, Donaldblain, Banquo, and 
Court, l. 

King. This castle hath a pleasant seat ; the air is fit 
for royal suction, 
And recommends itself without a fomial introduction 
Ban. This guest of summer, the large blue-bottle fly, 
most plainly shows 
That they approve the smell of your most royal nose ; 
For on each jutting pimple a fine fat fellow's flown, — 
And without a 'kerchief, sir, that goodly feature's blown. 

Enter Jour Ladies, c, and range Uco on each side. Lady 
Macbcth, followed hij Seyton with a wand. Lady 
Macbeth comes forward. 
King. See, see — our honoured hostess comes this way. 
Mrs. Macbeth, where is the Thane of Cawdor, pray ] 
We would have been first with all our heart. 
But our No Go did give him quite a start. 
The Fergusons are full, and we are in a weary plight,— 
So, Mrs. M., with your leave, we'll lodge with you to-night 
Each member of our suite will take his post. 
Your hand, fair lady ; conduct me to mine host. 

AIR.— King. 

For we love him — we love him— and who shall daro 

To chide us for wishing to taste his fare ; 
J/ve thought of it long as a hungry prize, 

I h^ve wished for some meat, aud longed for some pies. 

[Exeunt marchings o. 
B 



14 MACBETH TRAVESTIE 



[Act I. 



Scene V. —^1 Chamher in Machuh^s Cistle, 

Enter Macbeth, tliouglilfalhjy r. 

Mac. If it were done when ^tis done, there's no doubt 
'Twere quite as well 'twere quickly set about. 
If the same knife which cuts poor Duncan's life support- 
ers 
Could only cut the throats of common news reporters, 
And thus make dumb the press — it's pretty clear 
This cut would be the be-all, and the end-all here. 
But this even-handed justice is a sorry jade. 
And may commend to my own throat, the self-same blade. 
He's here in double trust, but then he's had long credit, — 
And yet I'm called upon to write more debit. 
But still I am his kinsman, and his subject too ; — 
In either case, the bloody work is hard to do. 
I think I'll hire a man to do the deed : 
I shouldn't murder when I ought to feed. 
And who can bear to be the common scoff. 
For "the deep damnation of his taking off]" 
I have no spur to prick me on — fuH well I know it— 
So, vaulting ambition, I say, prythee, go it ! 
Don't overleap yourself, and then come tumbling down 
With dislocated neck, or broken crown. 

Enter Lady Macbsth, r. 

How now, Mrs. M., did he eat those oysters that you 
stewed ? 
Lady M. He supped on nothing else : — your leaving us 

was rude. 
Mac. I will not do this deed ; he has so honoured me 
of late, 
And bought me golden pippins, which I ate. [ Walks, L 
Lady M. Coward ! You much desire to be a King, 
But tremble at the means which do the thing. 

3Iac. I dare do all that becomes a man ; so do not vex 
me. 
If more you want, why, damn it, ma'am, unsex me. 
Lady M. What a beast are you : when you told me first 
your plan, 
I thought you quite an enterprising sort of man. 
Ten children I have suckled^ as yon know, 



Scene VI.] MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 16 

And surely never mother loved her babbies so. 
Yet would I take each of the ten and slap — 
Place one by one across their mother's lap, 
And spank them till their backs were black and olxie, 
Ere I'd back out from doing what I said ['d do. 

Mac. Suppose we fail ] the thought brings on a dizri- 
ness ! 

Lady M. We fail ; and there will end our business. 
Put courage to the sticking-place, my master, 
And bind it tight with Badeau's poor man's plaster. 
When Duncan is in bed and soundly snoring, 
I will, with drink, his chamberlain be flooring. 
Their natures — being well soaked in potent liquors- 
Will to our purpose be no sort of stickers. 
What we will do to Duncan when alone, 
Is surely no one's business but our own. 

Mac. If more children bless you, let them all be lads — 
Your mettle is unfit for belles^ but just the thing for dads. 
I'm settled and bent up — the murder shall be done ! 
Away ! and mock the time with rarest fun. [Exeunt, R. 

Scene VI. — A Chamhei\ 

Enter Banquo and Fleance, r., preceded hy Servant with, 

candle. 
Ban, How goes the night, boy ? 
Fie, Pretty well, sir ; — ^how 

are you ? 
Ban, Tm sore oppressed, and know not what to do. 
I have a load upon me like a lump of lead. 
Which qualms my stomach, and affects my head. 
Who's there 1 

Enter Macbeth, preceded hy Seyton with candle. 

Mac, A friend. 

Ban, I thought you were abed, sir, long 

^.ago. 
Tlie King is most well pleased^ h^'d have you know. 
He gave the servants all a crown a-piece,-' 
And laughing, called them Knights, sir, of the Fleece ! 
I have a present for your lady from the King ; 
fj i begs to gi*eet your wife, sir, through this ring. 

[Puts ring on MacheilCs Jingtr, 



16 MACBETH 'inAVLr>':iL. [AcT I. 

Mar, Vm unprepared to thank him as I ought. 
[Asfde.] I v^onder where so fine a ring he bought. 

Ban. All's well. 1 dreamed last night of those old nags 
We met the other day collecting rags. 
To you they've shown some truth in what they said. 

Mac, I have thought not of them, more than of one 
dead. 
But some other time, if it be your pleasure, 
We'll chat again of this affair at leisure. 
Good night, now, worthy Banquo. 

Ban, Good repose, Macbeth. 

Mac. I thank you. 

[Exeunt Banquo and FleancCy l. 
Go, bid my wife prepare a cobbler — [Sei/ton goes.] Here, 

not so fast — 
And say I'd like to have this cobbler stronger than the last. 
[Exit Seijton, l. — As Macbeth turns to look off, l., a 
large dagger appears, c, the handle towards him. 
Is this a dagger I see fornenst my nose — 
The handle towards me ? I'll clutch it; and here goes. 

[Dagger jumps up quick, 
I have thee not, and yet I swear I thought I had ! 
That dodge of thine, old dagger, was too bad. 
Are my eyes grown dim, or do they need a wipe 1 
Or is that dagger but a false Daguerreotype. 
I see thee yet, or my eyes do sadly play the fool, 
As palpably as those T used to make at school. 

[Dagger works a little. 
You beckon me your way ; I'm sorry to refuse. 
For just such an instrument I was to use. 
I see thee still — and upon thy handle gouts of blood, — 
Which seems most strange upon a dagger made of wood. 
Ah ! but now I look more closely, I behold instead, 
Only a dab of deep Venetian red. [Dagger vanishes. 
It's no such thing, that's plain enough. 
And the paint upon the handle's bloody stuff. 
Nature now to half the world has given up the ghost, 
And each good watchman sleeps against his post. 
Thou firm-set earth, hear not the creaking of my shoes 
And, oh, ye paving stones, tell not the news. 

[Bell strikes two. 
X go — the bell strikes two, whilst I shall strike but one. 



Scene IV.] MACBETH Ti:.iV£Si It. 17 

Feel not the blow, oh, Duncan, 'ere thy job I e done. 
[As he is about to open tlie door^ thunder is heard^^he 
starts, recovers, and exits, r. 

Enter Lady Macbeth, l. 

Lady M. That which hath put the servants of the King 
in clover, 
Hath made me feel just right all over. 
Hark ! each noise does put one's courage to the proof. 
Pshaw ! it was but our cat upon the out-house roof. 
1 physicked well the drink the grooms did take. 

Mac. [Without.] Who's there] 

Ladj/ M. Alack ! I'm afraid they 

are awake. 
Unless the deed be done, the attempt confound — 
I put the daggers where they could be found. 
If he has missed them, it is indeed too bad, 
I had done it, but he looked so like my dad. 

Re-enter Macbeth, r., with two bloody daggers. 

Mac. I have done the deed — did you not hear a row 1 

Lady M. I heard the cat squall out just now. 
Did you not speak 1 

Mac. When ] 

Lady M. Now ! 

Mac. My boot did creak. 

Lady M. How 1 

Mac. There ! 

Lady M. Where? 

Mac. Upon the stair. 

Lady M. Hush ! 

Mac. Hark ! the second floor does seem in 

pain. 
Who is it 1 

Lady M. Why, only young Donaldblain. 

Mac. See, heres a pickle that Tm in, my wife. 

Lady M. A foolish thought to cry out pickles, on my 
life. 

3Iac. When I did strike, there one did loudly sob— 
Another cried, ** there goes one for his nob." 
Both awaking — round about the room did peep, 
Then laid them down again, and went to sleep. 



18 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



[Act 1. 



Lady M. Two snore together beneath the same bed- 
clothes ? 

Mac. One said, " no, you don't V* and put his finger to 
his nose. 
The other — a large fat man and stout — 
Cried, " pickles — does your mother know you're out ]" 

Ladj/ M. You think too much about a little blood that 
trickles. 

Mac. But why the devil could not I cry pickles 1 
For something of the kind I did require — 
My tongue was parched — my throat was all on fire. 

Ladi/ M. You think too much about so small a thing. 
You've only made a new dy-nasty with the king. 

Mac. He did die-nasty^ and he dyed me nasty, too.— 
Methought I heard a voice cry, " let's play loo!" 
But first it said, " Macbeth, my handsome tulip, 
We'll have a drink, and let it be a Julep. 
Sore labour's bath, a balm for minds which have a flaw- 
Come on, Macbeth, we'll suck it through a straw." 

Lady M. What mean you, pray, you foolish idle talker? 

Mac. One said, he'd drink no more: and one cried, 
"Walker!" 

Lady M. Who wast, then, cri^d "Walker!" worthy 
Thane ] 
You talk of stupid things with sickly brain. 
Go, wash yourself — and it will do you good 
To lose a little of that royal blood. 
Why did you bring these daggers from the room 1 
Take them, and bloody make the face of every groom. 

Mac. I'll go no more ! [Crosses^ l.] I'm full of horror 
crammed. 
And if I look on't again, may I be damned. 

Lady M. Give me the daggers : 1 do not dread to see- 
Living or dead, they are all the same to me. 
I'll gild their faces o'er with strongest gilt^ 
And stick it fastly on, with blood that's spilt. 

[Exitf R. — Knocking heard without, 

Mac. How is it with me ] what the plague can be the 
matter, 
When thus I tremble at every little clatter ? 
I shake at every noise the merest trifle makes, 
And yet, I swear, 1 feel like no gieat shaken. 



Scene /^L] 



MACBETH TRAYESTIE. 19 



Look iat these awful paws, so dyed in blcod; 
Can Neptune wash them clean ] I wish he could. 
But that's a thing I fear can never be, 
For he has got already one red sea. 

Re-en t^r Lady Macbeth, r. 

Lady M. My heart is not so white ; my hands as yours 
are red. [Knocking, 

T hear a knocking in the yard — come, husband, let's to bed. 

[Knock, 
Why stand you shilly shally, there, as if you didn't know 
Which way to stir your stumps — whether to stay or go. 
Take now the cobbler that 1 made, (if you've not already 

drank il,) 
Put on your i>ight-cap, and then clap your head beneath 
the blanket. [Knock, 

Mac, To know the deed that 1 have done indeed is very 
shocking, — 
Duncan, why the devil can't you wake with this con- 
founded knocking. [Exeunt, l, 

Ente^' Seyton, l. s. e. — opens c. d., and enter Macduff and 

RossE. 

Macd, You went quite late to bed, by the way you've 

snoozed this morning. 
Sey, Faith, sir, indeed we did carouse till day was almost 

dawning. 
Macd, Is your royal master stirring yet ? — to wake him 

I am loth. 
Sey, He comes. 

Re-enter Macbeth, in a gown and nightcap, 

Rosse, Good morrow, sir. 

Mac, Good morrow, both, 

Macd, Is the king awake 1 

Mac. Not yet ; most soundly he 

has slept. 
Macd, He bade me call him, but the hour has slipped. 
Mac, I'll call him. 

Macd, I will not trouble you, worthy Thane. 

Mac, Tlie trouble that we love, like Brandreth's piUs, 

does physic pain. 



20 MACBETH TKAVESTIE, 



[Act I 



[Crosses, l.] There is the door. [Exit Macduff, r. 

Eqssc. Goes the king hence to-day \ 

Mac, 'Twas so, I think, I heard his servant say. 
Rossc. Last night was the squalliest one I ever knew— 
The wind must have been drunk, it was so hlciv. 
It reeled along the streets, so no one safe could pass; 
And every window that it broke did take another glass. 
Loud screams arose in every quarter of the town, 
And chimney pots from every house came madly tumbling 

down. 
Some say that direful, dread events, will quickly come to 

pass ; 
And that father Miller, after all, is not an A. double S. 
That the earth was feverish, and shook : if, then, 'tis not a 

fixture, 
Why could it not be quickly cured by Rowand's Tonic 
mixture ? 
Macd. [WifJio?H,] Oh, Horror! Horror! Horror ! Hor- 
ror! Horror! Horror! Horror ! Horror ! Horrorj 

Re-enter Macduff, r. 

Oh, that I had a thousand tongues to tell 
What is not possible for one to do as well I 

Mac. S^' Rosse, Why, what's the matter? what on earth's 
the row ? 

Macd. Murder's the matter — robbery's the row ! 
Some sacrilegious chap, — I scarce can tell the rest — 
Hath broken ope the King, our master's chest. 
And stole his life ! — 'twas all he had — oh, horrid theft ! 
And nothing but his bloody trunk is left. 

Mac. What is't, say you ] is it his life they've stole 1 

Macd. Approach yourself, and see the ghastly hole 
Through which they let the daylight on his soul. 

[Exit Rosse and Macbeth j R. 
Wake up the town — let every bell ring loud, 
And gather round the door an anxious crowd. [Bell rings. 

Enter Malcolm, Banquo, and all the Courts r. and l. 

Mai. What's the fix ] 

Macd. You are, my boy, and do not know it 1 

Your royal dad is dead. 

Mai. Who did it 1 blorw it! 



ScKPTE VI.J MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 21 

Re-eriter Macbeth and Rosse, r. 

Mac. If 1 had only died six hours ago, 
The chances are, I had not felt this blow. 

MaL I want to know, who dared our royal blood feo 
shed 1 

Rosse, They, as we think, who slept in the next bed. 
They were all covered, sir, with blood from head to feet, 
And one had wiped his crooked nose upon the royal sheet. 
When they awoke they looked distracted, wild ; 
But they couldn't any how deceive this child. 

Mac, Vm sorry I took the lives of both those chaps 
away. 

Macd. Ah ! wherefore did you do it — Macbeth, say 1 * 

Mac. At once, can I be wise and furious 1 — the devil's 
in it, 
If a man can be all these, sir, in the same minute. 
There lay king Duncan ; the sight my blood did put up, 
For never before saw I a King so badly cut up. 
His gashes looked like, — as most of us have seen 
In pork, — a streak of fat, and then a streak of lean. 
Which foiTiied the varied gateways to a place 
Where ruin^ went to hide his hideous face. 
There lay his butchers — calm as a summer's night ; 
With love like mine, who could have borne the sight. 

Ba7i. I have my scruples — but for the present, mum. 

Macd. So I. 

All So all. 

Ban. We'll meet in the hall, and con this deed lamented, 
To know it further — 

All, We are well contented. 

CHORUS.—" Scots wha hae." 

The King's been murdered in his bed 
There's sundry gashes on his head, 
Who did the deed has not been said, 

So we'll be mum awhile. 
But let's against all treason fight, 
The body is a horrid sight ; 
So we will meet again to-night 

And talk the matter o'er. 



[Exeunt, c. 



END OF ACT I. 



22 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. [AOT II 

ACT II. 

Scene I. — Banquet Scene, 

Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Rosse, <5pc., discovered^ all 
standing, — Flourish. 

Mac, You're welcome, friends, so feel at ease. 
Sit down ; you know your own degrees. [They lit 

Our wife's a little stiff at this first meeting, 
But by and bye you'll get her hearty greeting. 

Lady M, Nay, greet you them for me; for I here vow, 
That they are very welcome any how. [All how. 

Mac. Their hearts are loud in thanks, if you could hear 
em ; 
But here I'll sit, in order to be near 'em. 
Be merry all : — fill for a toast ; see, friends, it goes 
The table round — 

Enter Murderer, l. 
There's blood upon your nose. 
Mur, Then blow it ; it is Banquo's. 
Mac. Ah, I much do fear^ 

Mur, There is no ground ; his throat is cut from ear to 

ear. 
Mac. You cut his jugular ? — that were a clever trick ! 
You did the same for Fleance ? 

Mur. Sir, he's cut his stick. 

Mac. Then comes my fit again ! — But Banquo— he is 

dead % 
Mur. He is, my lord, as any hemng that is red. 
Mac. Fleance' escape has filled my cup with sorrow. 
But more of this anon ; go, call again to-morrow. 

[Exit Murderer^ L. 
Lady M, Come, my good lord, and pick a bit of meat ; 
P'or it is meet, among your guests, that you do take a seat. 
Mac. Sweet wife, those Shernaan's Lozenges you made 
me swallow. 
Hath made our appetite beat our digestion hollow. 

[Banquo rises and sits in a chair ^ with his back to Mac* 
both — he is smoking a cigar. 
We should enjoy our meal, if Banquo were but heie ; 
Pis absence we begin to think a little queer. 



Scene I.] 



MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 23 



Rosse, Never mind, my lord, it cannot make us dull ; 
Will you pray take a seat 1 
Mac. The table's full. 

Rosse, Here is a place reserved, sir. 
Mac, Where 1 

[Bom quo turns round, 
Rosse, Here, my lord. What is it makes you stare ] 
Mac. Who did this ] 
Rosse, What, my lord 1 

Mac, Crikey! can't 

you seel [BanquOy smoking, shakes his head, 

I didn't do it, so you needn't shake your locks at me. 
It was not [ who stole the jewel from your trunk, 

Rosse, Friends, rise ; I do suspect his Highness is a lit- 
tle drunk. [All offer to rise. 
Lady M, Keep your seats, my friends ; my lord is of* 
ten thus — 
He's only in a sort of fit, so do not make a muss. 
[Comes forioard,] If you stare on him in this idle fashion, 
You'll put him surely in a roaring passion. 
[ To I\facbeth.] Come, quit this nonsense, sir — are you a 
man] 
Mac. I don't exactly know, but still I think I am, 
When I can dare to look upon that stool, 
And see old Banquo smoking there so cool. 

Lady M, Stuff! a painting in the air; like a dagger 
which you said. 
Beckoned and led you straight to Duncan's bed. 
Tell the marines such tales, and you'll deceive 'em. 
*Twont do to tell the Tars — the sailors won't believe 'em. 

[Banquo rises and vnnks his eye, 
Mac, Look ! Ha ! he winks his eye ! I say I didn't do 
the theft. [Banquo points over the left shoulder. 

He backward points his thumb — which means, ** Over 
the left." [Banquo nods. 

If thou canst nod, why, damn it, can't you speak ? 
And if not with your mother tongue, why, let's have Gresk. 

[Banquo is going off, L., backwards. 
If ghosts will come to play about at nights, 
Why, let 'em have a good supply of Taws and Kites. 

I Exit Banquo^ h. 
Lady M What, daft entirely! 



24 MACBETH TRAVESTIE [Act II, 

Mac. As I Stand here, I've 

Banquo seen, 
Ladi/ M, For shame ! [Goes up to throne. 

Mac. Why, shame, indeed ; the time has been, 
When the brains were out, a man would kick the bucket; 
But now the living do without 'em ; and, for a ducat 
You can get the credit of more wit, than midnight oil 
To student gives, however hard he toil : 
And now ghosts rise again to see their brainless brothers. 
And leave their graves, without the knowledge of their 
mothers. 
Lady M. Of rudeness, my lord, this is the very essence; 
Your royal guests do sadly need your presence. 

Mac, Pardon me : the fit which made me absent, itself 
is gone — 
So with your worthy selves I'll now count one. 
Give me some wine: your glasses fill — come, here's a 

health to each : 
Here's health to Banquo, also, to whom may all good 
reach. [Takes a large jpitcher from tahle^ and shows 
a duplicate head of Banquo* s under it, 
Avaunt ! the presence quit — hide behind some place, 
And don't show here that damnably long face. 
Thou look'st so greedy with your great big eyes, 
^ As though you wished a speculation here in pies : 
But it 's no go, for all the pies are gone — 
And so, my dear late friend, you can't get one. 
Put out those goggle eyes — I want no overseers. 

Lady M, Take you no notice of this second fit, good 

peers. 
Mac, What man dare, that I dare, e'en though it were 
to tussle 
With Shakspeare in a song, quite a la Russell. 
To dance a Pas de Deux in public square. 
With dancing dog, or rugged Russian bear. 
Wrestle for a cent with some Herculean nigger — 
Anything, but look upon that horrid figure. 

[Puts pitcher over the head. 
Hence, King of Trumps, and hie thee to thy grave. 

[Raises pitcher, and the head is gOTte, 
Why so ! thon'rt gone— I now will play the knave. 

[FaV4 into a chair 



SciifB III.] MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 25 

Lady M. Good night, my friends ; — all shortly will be 
well : 
Stand not upon the order of your going, but start pell mell. 
\All exeunt, r. and l., but Macbeth Sf Lady Macbeth, 

Mae, Blood will have blood, and I must have some more. 
What is tlie night ? 

Lady M, Why, night will soon be o'er. 

Mac, You say Macduff declined to come when you did 
send ? 

Lady M. So^much I heard from one he calls a friend. 

Mac. If I do send, he'd better not refuse, — 
No servant here my lenity shall abuse, 
'i'o-morrow to the witches T will go ; 
The very worst I am resolved to know. 
l*m over head in blood, and so I may 
As well go on, as go the other way. [Exeunt^ R, 

Scene II. — Front of Wood, 
Enter Hecate, r.. Three Witches, l. 

1^^ Witch, Why, how now, Hecate ] how cross you look« 
Hec, Have I not rea^n, beldames, since you took 

The liberty with Macbeth, to talk of this affair, 

Which belongs to me, the mistress of this air ? 

But make amends, and serve me so no more. 

Meet me in my castle i' the air; the number's on the door. 

I have the key, but don't let me keep you waiting; 

If I am not in time, squeeze through the grating. 

[Music. — yVitches enter — they dance ^ Sfc.y and sing the 
music of the original. 

Scv.N^lll,— Witches' Hut. 

Three Witches discovered, 

\st Witch. Three new novels have the newsboys cried. 

2d Witch. Thrice to read them have we tried. 

3^ Witch. The newsboys called them cheap — the news- 
boys lied. 
Round about the cauldron go, 
And in the charmed ingredients throw. 
Here's a slip of the bark from off the tree 
General Morris went to see. 



26 MACBETH TKAVESTIE. 



[Act II 



And a bit of the axe of the woodman bold, 
Made blunt at the edge with a tip of gold. 
Here's a stone from the Fountain in the Green, 
The oddest concern that ever was seen. 
And a drop from the nose of the statue of stone, 
That in the Alhamra this summer is shown. 

All. Double, double, boil and trouble, 
Fire bum, and soup-pot bubble. - 

2d WHch, Tail of the Sea Serpent take, 
Keep it bubbling for the sake 
Of landlords, they who never fail. 
Yearly to rake up the tale. 
A mermaid Fee^ee — all a. hunt — 
The big fat girl, and little THumb. 
Ellsler's leg, and foot to boot, 
Will make young men to jump and hoot; 
For 'tis a charm of powerful trouble, 
Although it is all bubble, bubble ! 

All. Double, double, toil and trouble, 
Fire burn, and soup-pot bubble. 

\st Witch. Of modern poetry — sorry stujB^ 
A couple of lines wil be enough* 
A lawyer's conscience put in, too, 
'Twill make a most infernal stew. 
Bit of soaplock lost in a lark, 
Near the Fountain in the Park. 
When the whole boils up and thickens. 
Throw in the last great work of Dickens. 

[They make a great noise. 

All. Double, double, toil and trouble. 
Fire bum, and soup-pot bubble. 

1^^ Witch. Cool it with a whole hog's blood. 
Then the soup is thick and good. 
By the pricking of my thumbs, 
Something wicked this way comes. 

Enter Macbeth, l. u. e. 

Mac. How now, ye black, but living heaps of rags— 
What are ye at ? 

AIL John Smith — a man without a name. 

Mac. Ah ! and yet John Smith has got a sort of fame. 



Sci:neIII.] MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 27 

But no more of this. — I must your patience tax. 
I want to know — 

Ist Witch. Speak ! 

2d Witch. Demand ! 

3d Witch. We'll answer what you 

ax. 
1*^ Witch, From ourselves, or master, would you hear ? 
Mac. Whichever you please, my little dear. 
1*^ Witch. Throw in the leg of a hog which died in the 
street, 
With a little molasses to sweeten the meat. 

All. Come high — come low — come far — come near — 
Spirit of New England — appear ! appear ! 

[A Yankee Clock-Feddler rises. 
App. Macbeth, I reckon you ain't exactly up to snuff: 
Do you just keep your eye on old Macduff; 
And old Fife, too — they'll shave you if they can. 
But 1 must go a-head, for you see, my man, 
My steam is up now good and strong, 
My biler'll bust if I stay here too long. [Sinks. 

Mac. Do tell ! I want to know ! More qiTestions let 

me pop 'em. 
1*^ Witch. He's gone, and all creation cannot stop him. 

[Munday, the Prophet, rises. 
But here is one — a prophet great, who knows what's past. 
• App. Macbeth ! Macbeth ! Macbeth ! don't look so 

much aghast. 
Mac. Had I three ears, three years I would be mute, 
App, Be bloody, bold Macbeth, and boldly resolute. 
Laugh thou the petty power of man to scorn, 
For none can hurt thee who's of woman bom. 
The world is topsy turvy — and now, alas ! 
1st Witch, Sic— 
2d Witch. Transit — 

3d Witch. Gloria— 

A'pp. Munday ! 

All. Pass ! 

[Apparition sinks* 
Mac. Then live, Macduff; — I do not care, I swear, 
Since I can boldly tell pale-hearted fear. 
It lies not in it to make me knock under, — 

[Cheap John rises. 



2S MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



[Act II 



For I will sleep in spite of thunder. 

But who is this, so like Cheap John in Chatham Square 
Who sells in four cent lots his curious ware ? 
Upon his head he wears a shabby sort of covering, 
For one who has a crown, and daily makes a sovereign ! 
\st Witch, Listen, but do not speak ; do you see? 
App, Be stubborn, proud, and who may fret, ne'er mind 
at all ; 
Until great Bimam's wood comes houghing to your hall. 
Macbeth's invincible ! Only four cents ! \Sinks, 

Mac. Well, that can 

never be, 
For who the plague e'er saw a walking tree. 
Tell me, — if that your art can show so much- 
Shall Banquo's issue Scotland's sceptre clutch ? ^ 
All, Begone, Macbeth, and seek to know no more. 
Mac, I will be satisfied — this interruption is a bore. 
Farther I fain would know of my queer lot. [Cauldron 
Why sinks the cauldron — is it gone to pot ? sinks, 

1st Witch. Show! 
2d Witch. Show ! 

3d Witch. Show ! ^ 

All, Blow his eyes ! let's grieve his heart — 
So, dark shadows, do your part. 

[Set piece sirtksy and discovers large hogshead with trans- 
parent hunghole. Figure crosses behind, 
Mac. That looks like Banquo's spirit past that bunghole 
walking : 
The sight does blear my eyes ; — [Second Figure crosses,] 

another yet comes stalking. [Third figure crosses. 
A third ! — Vile hags, I do entreat you, tap no more — 
Such a waste of spirits I ne'er saw before. 

[Fourth figure crosses, 
A fourth ! why, then, by Jove, I'll start and ran. 

[Fifth figure crosses. 
And yet a fifth ! why, will they ne'er be done ? 

[ Sixth figure crosses, with glass. 
Another, too, who bears a glass ! I'm thinking 
He's quite a jolly ghost, and has been drinking. 

[ Witches and transparency vanish. 
Why is this so 1 — Where are they gone ] — I'm diddled 
quite ; 



Scene IV.] MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 29 

This cursed hour has seemed a long dark night. 
Come in, without there. 

Enter Seyton, l. u. e. 

Sey, Pray, what wants your grace ? 

Mac. Saw you the sisters as they left this place ? 

Sey, I neither saw, nor heard, nor smelt them. 

Mac, C ame they not by you % 

Sey, I ne'er felt them. 

Mac, Did I not hear a horse but just now pass ] 

Sey, It was an express rider on an ass, 
To bring you word Macduff was gone 
To England. 

Mac. Time, time, thou cheat of human bliss, 
At least I am obliged to you for this. 
I'll seize the Castle of Macduff, then take his Fife, 
And play a dying tune to his dear babes and wife. 
No boasting like a fool — I'll do the deed, I say. 
Show me the gentleman on the ass, I pray. 

[Exeunt^ l. u. e. 

Scene IV. — A Wood, 

Enter Malcolm and Macduff, r 

Mai. The woodman hath spared this tree in spite of 
trade — 
So let us take advantage of its gratefiil shade, 
To tell our troubles o'er. 

Macd, Don't let us waste in words 

The time when we should use our trusty swords. 
Oh, Scotia, my native land, you're in a fix. 
And daily subject to a tyrant's kicks. 
The widow's howling makes a dreadful noise — 
And all the towns are full of workhouse boys, 

Mai. Suppose, Macduff, that vile Macbeth were slain, 
1 do not see what 'vantage you would gain ; 
For I should play the tyrant worse than he. 
So tell me — would you choose a king like me 1 

Macd, No : for I knew your father well — but how un* 
like his son ! 
Your mother, too, — she ranked, indeed, as an A No. 1. 



30 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. [Act II, 

Her pickles were the very best I ever eat, 
And tasted very nice with, cold roast meat. 

Mai. Stay, Macduff, stay : this passion foi my sainted 
mother's pickles, 
Causes this tear w^hich down my cheek now trickles. 
t love your spirit ; — and I only spoke in fun ; 
I do assure you, then, 1 a?n my father's son. 
But who 's this man who walks along so stately ? 

Macd. My cousin Rosse it is, or my eye deceives me 
greatly. 

Enter Rosse, l. 

Stands Scotland where it did a week ago ? 

Rosse, Not quite ; 'tis greatly moved by the vile ty- 
rant's blow ; 
The face of the whole country is pitted o'er with care, 
And the wail that it has on it, is the wail of dark despair. 
Macd. What is the newest grief of which they now com- 
plain ] 
Rosse, Why, that with griefs they're overflooded in the 

present reign. 
Macd, How is my wife, my little children dear ? 
Rosse, Well. [Aside.] The truth I cannot tell, for fear. 
[Alo2id,] But you should be in Scotland, and there maintain 

her laws. 
Your very presence, sir, would breed brave soldiers in her 
cause. 
Macd. Make our respects, and say we'll quickly come 
With fifty men'to sound of fife and drum. 

Rosse, I've news to tell, but know not how to bring it 

out. 
Macd. Don't be a niggard of your speech, but spit it out. 
Come, sir, your silence is beyond endurance. 
Rosse. Your castle is burnt down. 

Macd. [Falls on Malcolm's shoulder, \ And I had no in- 
surance ! 
Rosse, Your wife — 

Macd, ■ Another ! I hope she's doing wellt 

Rosse. A-lass ! 

Macd. I was in hopes it was a boy — but let that pass. 
Rosse. Sir, you have neither wife, nor son, nor daugh- 
ter : 



Scene V.j 



MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 31 



They all were killed in one inhuman slaughter. 

Macd. My children — all, I think it was you said ? 

Rosse. Just so. 

Macd. My wife, 1 think you said, was dead 1 

[Rosse nods. 
Exactly. They didn't spare my stables, barns, nor pcns?*^ 
Then all my ducks are dead — and slain are all my hens — 
My little chickens that 1 used to feed each mom and night, 
Are all gone, too. Well, well, it almost serves me right. 
I should have fricasseed them all before I left ; 
But I'll have vengeance for this double theft. 

Mai, That's right — dispute it like a man, Macduff. 

Macd. 1 will ; — ^but still I feel my losses bad enough. 

MaL Be vengeance sharp the whetstone of your sword — 
/Twill make it sharp enough, upon my word. 

Macd, Oh, I could play the woman vsdth my eyes, 
And also with my tongue — in that the mischief lies. 
But heaven cut short such weak desires, 
And fill my soul with vengeful fires ; 
Let not Macbeth escape my anger just, 
If he blows longer, I shall surely bust. [Exeunt^ r. 

Scene V. — A Room in Macbeth'' s Castle. 

Enter Physician and Gentlewoman. 

Doc, Two nights I've watched, and find no truth in 

your report ; 
Pm afraid your story's but th' invention of your sport. 
Gent. No ! since the King in person has his warriors 

led, 
I've seen her several times jump out of bed. 

Doc, Tell me what she has said, when this you have 

seen 1 
Gent, Do you then think I'll blab ? I am not quite so 

green. 

Enter Lady Macbeth, l., tvith a pail in one hand, and a 

scruhhing-brusli in the other. 

Look! here she comes; and, as I live, asleep. 

Doc, How came she with the light she carries in her 

hand \ 
Gent, On, sbo's a box of loco focos always on her stand. 



\ 



32 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



[AlTlJ 



Doc, Look ! on her arm she has a pail, and in her band 
a brush. 
[Lad]/ Macbeth kneels and gazes at stain upon the floor 
And look — she kneels upon the floor ! 

Gent, Oh, Doctor, hush ! 

J^ady M. Out, damned spot ! Fll try to scrub it all 
away : [Scrubs. 

I would I had a lump of potter's clay. 
One! [Clopk strikes one.] Then *tis time! — A soldier, and 

afraid of slaughter ] 
Out, out, I say ! — but how, without some water? 
I'll to the pump, and fill this little pail. 

[Goes to Doctor y hangs pail on one of his armSy and^ 
pumps the other. 
Thank you. [Curtseys.] What need we fear ? who knows 

our tale ? [Scrubs. 

Who would have thought, — but that it's here so plain, — 
The old man's blood would leave so large a stain. 

Doc. Go to 1 I 've heard much more than I thought to. 
Gent. And she has said much more than she ought to. 
Lady M. Here's still the stain, upon the self-same spot, 
In spite of all the scrubbings that it's got. 
The smell's not pleasant, either, that I vow. 
And I've no Arabian perfume with me now. [Sighs. 

Doc. Oh, what a sigh is there ! her heart is sorely 

charged. 
Gent. Perhaps, then, Doctor, it is much enlarged. 
Such a one would not I possess for half a crown. 

Lady M. Wash well your hands, my lord, put on your 
dressing-gown. 
Look not so pale — Ban quo in his grave lies buried. 
And thence he won't come out again — unless he's greatly 
hurried. 
Doc. True. 

A.IR. — Lady Macbeth. — '' Merry Swiss Bey. 

Go to bed, go to bed, Macbeth, sdy I, 

Take my pail and the water away. 
For now, I vow, at the. gate there's a row, 

So go off to bed right away. 

\Exeu??ty Lady Macbeth, n., t/ie rest^ L. 



Scene VI.] MACBETH TRAVK^TIE.. 33 

Scene VI. — A Room in Macbeth' s Castle. 

Enter Macbeth, with a newspaper, folloioed hy two Offi- 
cers, R. 

Mac. Make me no more reports ; will they have never 
done ? 
The Thanes may go to blazes — ay, every mother's son. 
Of fear I need not bear the taint or stain. 
Till Birnam's wood comes here to Dunsinane. 
What's the boy Malcolm more than any other ] 
He was of woman born, because he had a mother. 

Enter Officer, r. 

The devil damn thee black, thou pale-faced figure, 
Who put that chalk upon your face ] 

Offi. There's fifty- 

Mac. Geese, 

nigger ? 
Offi. Soldiers, sir. 

Mac. Go, wash your face, then paint it red, 

Thou lily-livered boy ! — Soldiers wast't you said 1 
What soldiers, whey-face 1 tell it, if 'twill ease you. 
Offi. They are Macduff's black guards, sir, if it please 

you. 
Mac. Go, cut your stick ! [Exit Officer.^ Seyton ! — at 
heart I'm sick. 
When I behold — Seyton, I say, be quick ! 

Enter Seyton, r. 

Sey, What is your pleasure, gracious sir ? 

Mac. What news more 1 

Sey. All is confirmed, my lord, you heard before. 

Mac. I'll fight till from my bones my flesh is hacked, 
Although it's hard to fight when barely backed. 
[ To Seyton.^ Brush ! send men out to scour the country 

round, 
And hang upon a tree each craven hound. 
Well, let them come — I'm not afraid of death and bane. 
Till Birnam brings his trunks to Dunsinane. 
Take in that shirt that's drying on the outer walls, 
The cry is steal — so now look out'for squalls. 



34 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



[Ac I II. 



There let them lie, till famine eat them up, 
And worms upon them breakfast, dine, and sup. 

[Screams heard. 
What noise is that 1 hear so shrieking loud. 

Scy. It is the cry of women in the crowd. [Exit, L. 

Mac, 1 have almost forgot the taste of fears : 
The time was, when a night shriek in my ears, 
My courage would have run quite down to zero. 
And a novel, too, which had a dismal hero, 
Would rouse, and make my curly hair incline 
To stand, like quills upon the fretful porcupine. 
But I have supped of oysters, and 'tis their nature 
To make a murder a most familiar creature. 
Their death don't start me. 

Re-enter Seyton, l. 

Wherefore was that cry 1 
Sey, The Queen, ray lord, is dead, and I — 
Mac. She should have died hereafter, but she'll keep ; 

And perhaps to-morrow I shall have time to weep. 

To-morrow — and to-morrow — and to-moiTow — 

Aye, that's well thought of — Pve a note to pay, 

And the last recorded dollar to me lent. 

Was yesterday in whiskey-punches spent ! 

Out, out, short candle ! for burn brightly as you may, 

You cannot burn much longer, any way. 

Life's but a walking shadow — or a poor player at most— 

Who murders Hamlet once, and then is cast the ghost. 

Enter Officer, with hill, r. 

Mac. How now 1 thy message — let not thy tongue 
stand still. 

Offi. As I stood looking at ray watch upon the hill, 
A cartraan bade me give you this little bill, 
For a load that he brought you of Birnam's wood. 

Mac. Liar ! slave ! 

O^. \ Kneels.] I could "^lot have misunderstood ; 

And if it be not so, why, take my head and thump it — 
ril swear I saw him at your door but just now dump it. 

Mac. If that thou liest and deceivest me, 
ril have thee hung alive upon a tree, / 

A thing for rooks and dav/s to pick at, 



Scene VI.] MACKETH TRAVESTIE, 35 

And men and women to turn sick at. [Exit Officer ^ r. 

I begin to feel a little^ odd about my brain— 
" Fear not till Birnam's wood shall come to Dunsinane !" 
The fiends said that, and then they all were dumb— 
And now, behold, a load of wood is come. [All draw, 
liing the alarm bell — let fall our blows upon them thwack, 
At least we'll make a stir up, though we be driven back. 

[Exeunt, r. Flourish. 

Scene VII. — The Battlements, Alarum, 

Enter Macduff, r. u. e. 

Macd. This way the noise is. Tyrant, show your phiz; 
If any man has slain thee, 'twere no affair of his. 
My wife's and childrens' ghosts will haunt me stil). 
If I am not the boy this murderer to kill. 
He should be hereabouts, by all this clatter ; 
Let me but meet him, fortune, then — no matter. [Exit^ L. 

Enter Macbeth, l. u. e, 

Mac, Why should I play the Roman fool, when I am 
cast a king — 
This dying on my sword is not a pleasant thing. 

Re-enter Macduff, l.u. e. 

Macd, Turn, hell-hound, turn, and have a shy at me ! 

Mac. You are the last man that I wished to see. 
Fve too much blood of thine upon my hands. 

Macd, I have no words to waste, so you be hanged. 

[ They Jight—flourish, 

Mac, Put up your sword — ^from me you'll draw no cla- 
ret ; 
Your labour. Duff, is vain, so prithee spare it. 
I wear a charmed life, and no mistake ; 
No man that's born of woman can that jewel take. 

Macd, Despair—let not that charm your reason smother, 
For know, Macbeth, I never had a mother. 

Mac. Then damme if I fight. 

Macd. Then live, thou craven coward, to be a sight 
For little boys and girls to point and jeer at— 
And the noisy rabble in the street to sneer at. 
Like balloon at oyster cellar, we'll itick you on t polo, 



36 MACBETH TRAVESTIE. 



[Act 11. 



And underneath Pll have this writ, upon my soul : 
" Upon this pole behold a used-up man, 
In every style, on the Canal street plan !'* 

Mar, I will not yield to be a common sign — 
Upon my sfeu^ young Malcolm ne'er shall dine. 
He ne'er shall gaze or gloat upon my roasting. 
Nor will I be so raw as to stand his boasting. 
Although a load of wood was emptied at my door — 
And the man 1 tight no kindly woman bore — 
Yet would I face him if he were a score. 
Lay (»n, Macduff, and damned be he who cries, 
NnFP Ced. 
[F/ourisk and shout. — They fight — Macbeth is killed, 
0?nnes enter and hned to Macduff, 

FINALE. 

There is no luck about the house, 

Although Macbeth is slain ; 
We've only now to ask you how 

You like his dying strain. 
'Tis our delight, night after night. 

To give you cause for laughter — 
If our tragic muse does you amuse, 

We'll give you more hereafter. 

THE END. 



LBJa'22 



THE MINOR DRAMA. 



VOL I. 

1. The Irish Attorrey. 

2. Boots at the Swan. 

3. How to Pay the Rent 

4. Tlie Loan of a Lover. 
6. The Dead Shot. 

6. His Last Legq. 

7. The Invisible Prince. 

8. The Golden Farmer. 

With a Portrait and Memoir of 
MR. JOHN SEFTON. 

VOL 11. 

9. The Pride of the Market. 
10. Used Up. 

: 1. The Irish Tutor, 
.2. The Barrack Room. 

13. Luke the Laborer. 

14. Beauty and the Beast. 

15. St. Patrick's Eve. 

16. Captain of the Watch. 
With^ti Portrait and Memoir of 

M18S C. WEMYSS. 

VOL III. 

17. The Secret. 

IS. White Horse of the Peppers. 

19. The Jacobite. 

20. The Bottle. 

21. Box and Cox. 

22. Bamboozling. 

23. Widow's Victim. 

24. Rrbert Macaire. 

With a Portrait and Memoir of 
MR. F. S. CHANFRAU 

VOL. rv. 

25. Secret Service. 

26. Omnibus. 

27. Irish Lion. 

28. Maid of Croissey. 

29. The Old Guard. 

30. Raising the Wind. 

31. Slasher and Crasher. 

32. Naval Engagement!. 

With a Portrait ftnd Memoir of 
MISS ROSE TELBIN. 

VOL V. 

33. Cocknies in California. 

34. Who Speaks First. 

35. Bombastes Furioso. 

36. Macbeth Travestie. 

Price 12 1-2 Cents each, 



37. The Irish Ambassador. 

38. Delicate Ground. 

39. The Weathercock. 

40. All that Glitters is not Gold. 
With a Portrait and Memoir 

MR. W. A. GOOD ALL, 



of 



VOL VI. 

41. Grimshaw, Bagshaw and Brad- 
shaw. 

42. Rough Diamond. 

43. Bloomer Costume. 

44. Two Bonnycastles. 

45. Born to Good Luck. 

46. Kiss in the Dark. 

47. 'Twould Puzzle a Conjuror. 

48. Kill or Cure. 

With a Portrait and Memoir of 
F. M. KENT. 

VOL. VII. 

49. Box and Cox Married and Settled. 

50. St. Cupid. 

51. Go-to bed Toul 
62. The Lawyers. 
53. Jack Sheppard. 

64. The ToodJes. 

65. The Mobcap. 
56. Ladies Beware. 

With a Portrait and Memoir of 
MR. J. E. OWENS. 



'Bowkd Volwmts, $1.00 
«rw ' On a remittance of One Dollar, free of postage, 
Ten copies of any of tie Plays will be sent by mail. 

WM, TAYLOR Sf CO., AnTir Street, 



AMERICAN DRAmA, 

No. 2, 

(a series of plays by AMERICAN AUTHORS,) 

Prict 25 Cents, 

THE OATH OF OFFICE; 

IN FITE ACTS, 

BY CHARLES JAMES CAIfNON, 

AUTHOR OF "the POET's QUEST," " THE CROWNING HOUR,'' 
"poems, DRAMATIC AND MISCELLANEOUS," &C. 



The scene is laid in Ireland, about the Fifteenth Century. 
The characters that figure in the Play are : James Lynce 
PrrzsTEPHEN, Mayor of Galway ; Walter Lynch, his Son ; 
Blake of the Hills, Brother-in-law of Lynch ; Arthur, 
Son of Blake ; Tirlogh, Father-in-law of Walter ; Gomez, 
a young Spaniard; Citizens, Officers, Gentlemen, Sailors, 
Ac, &c. ; Dame Margaret, wife of Lynch ; Agnes, the 
Wife of Walter ; Ladies, Citizens, Wives, Ac, &c. 

Single Copies, 25 Cents ; Fire Copies for $1. 

NEW-YORK: 
WIVI. TAYLOR & CO., 

No. 18 ANN-STREET. 



^ 



N 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 105 959 2 # 



